tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post1210055014235556145..comments2023-06-01T05:27:46.055-07:00Comments on Friend of the Bear: PersonalityFriend of the Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01338137165061207438noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-84642943812259514212009-10-27T21:57:38.280-07:002009-10-27T21:57:38.280-07:00My sweet Bear friend,
Sorry I have been away, but ...My sweet Bear friend,<br />Sorry I have been away, but I thought of you several times during my vacation. I think we all re-define ourselves daily, we are works in progress - no IS this way, or that way... only they WERE this way, or that way. We change every moment, never the same, always evolving.<br /><br />My little sister said to me once, "I wish I was a soccer player" to which I replied " then be one". She went on to tell me how hard it was to just become this thing. I listened and then, I asked her "what does a soccer player do that you don't?"<br /><br />She listed several things that 'makes' a soccer player. I said to her "ok, then do those things and you will be a soccer player."<br /><br />we often get so caught up with what we think we are, that we assume the other people around us have something figured out that we don't. That somehow I can't be 'this' or 'that' because 'they' are different than me. <br /><br />I'm going to let you in on a secret, we are ALL imposters. The reason why so many people feel the way you feel is simply because we have ALL felt that way. You alone get to define your personality regardless of natural tendencies you could choose tomorrow what you wan to be. Define what that means and then start acting like that 'traight'. MY DEAR FRIEND YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT. I KNOW THAT WHEN YOU MAKE THE TRANSFORMATION FROM THIS 'VICTIM' MENTALITY OVER TO THE LIFESTYLE OF 'CHOOSING' - YOU'LL BE SUPRISED AT YOUR OWN STRENGTH, COURAGE AND ...YES, PERSONALITY<br /><br />lots of love - natalienatalie ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11498546494539023012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-60439781327713207912009-10-26T20:48:55.871-07:002009-10-26T20:48:55.871-07:00Hello Bear Friend
I hope you are doing well today...Hello Bear Friend<br /><br />I hope you are doing well today. Just checking in to see how things are going and to also present you with a BEST BLOG AWARD. This award was recently given to me and I wanted to carefully choose those blogs that have been so helpful to me during my short time blogging and I chose you as your posts and comments are so helpful.<br /><br />Please stop by to pickup your award when you have a moment. I hope your day is going well.paulawannacrackerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07401434790948821665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-81940917964991735512009-10-26T17:27:31.481-07:002009-10-26T17:27:31.481-07:00Wow Friend!! You've received from really amaz...Wow Friend!! You've received from really amazing, insightful comments on this post, and as usual...I'm late to the party!!! Sorry about that...I haven't been keeping up well on blog commenting lately. <br /><br />This is an excellent post, as they all are, and I agree with Paula's comment about writing a book. I made a comment on your last post about how we all get to benefit from your "free" therapy. That's because I believe that you have so much to offer. I learn from you all the time. I think it's a great idea to share your knowledge and your gift for writing with the entire world. Give it some thought. Seriously. :)Tammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09903038555489140718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-26458407755450537672009-10-22T16:32:34.237-07:002009-10-22T16:32:34.237-07:00This was so beautiful and indeed haunting. I love...This was so beautiful and indeed haunting. I loved it and said "yes!" to myself several times as I read it, and I also felt as if I were holding my breath as I read through it. Wow!<br /><br />I sometimes go into these deep funks that really have no sensible explanation. It's hard to pull out of the dark and step back into the light sometimes.<br /><br />The whole thing about the mask we put on for the outside world.....yes, yes, and yes!!!! And I'm not sure whether this scares me even more or reassures me, but the more I look into myself and start to truly pay attention to others around me, the more I realize we ALL have a mask. No matter how together we seem to the outside world, we each in our own way have "something" that we're screwed up about.<br /><br />When I started my blog I decided I was going to address the emotional issues once and for all, finally get to the bottom of things as it were. Because I realized at some point, with a jolt I might add, that I was not going to be happy no matter how thin I was until I did deal with the emotional turmoil first.<br /><br />I LOVE, LOVE your blog. You write with clarity and deep emotion that we can all relate to. Very powerful stuff. Thank you for this look inside of myself that I may not have been brave enough to do on my own.<br /><br />Hugs-<br />AmyAmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09579814438118079024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-74120552170226887962009-10-22T12:53:50.360-07:002009-10-22T12:53:50.360-07:00You really do have a strong way of expressing your...You really do have a strong way of expressing yourself through your writing. Even though none of us knows you personally, I for one feel as though you have given us a peek inside who you are.<br /><br />I hope that you are able to see from the loving, carefully constructed comments that you are appreciated and valued in this community.<br /><br />I'm sorry that you have gone through so much in your life. It grieves me.<br /><br />Take care of yourself,<br />DianeDiane, Fit to the Finishhttp://www.fittothefinish.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-76442210253722526792009-10-22T10:33:36.153-07:002009-10-22T10:33:36.153-07:00Wow. I feel as though I've held my breath the ...Wow. I feel as though I've held my breath the entire time I've been reading your blog. <br /><br />You are so brave. Putting yourself out there, being so open. Honesty I dream of, but cannot let go of my inhibitions enough to fully vent. <br /><br />Thank you for your kind comment on my blog, the boy is slightly perkier now his Daddy is home :) <br /><br />I will check in each time you post, and sincerely hope that life becomes less taxing as time goes by. <br /><br />Carly xxCarlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15795188315154321674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-28412006696787158052009-10-22T01:13:59.325-07:002009-10-22T01:13:59.325-07:00Very well put and a pleasure to read, even though ...Very well put and a pleasure to read, even though it is not exactly happy material! You have such insight. I'll say it again - you write damn well. I'd love to sit down and have a heart to heart, you would be really interesting to talk to. I hope you get through this because I think you would make a very fine counsellor.Judithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974206679853189199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-324828520099605752009-10-21T20:38:38.685-07:002009-10-21T20:38:38.685-07:00I do not know how to respond to your post and the ...I do not know how to respond to your post and the comments. I know nothing about mental illness, or depression. I remember my mother suffered from depression and was on various meds and my mother told me never be afraid to seek help or counseling. I've taken her advice. <br /><br />I believe that we perceive ourselves differently than those around us. This is why an objective viewpoint is always so welcoming. As I read your post... I really tried to emphathize with you and try to understand what and how you suffer. As always your eloquent use of the English languages helps place me there so I can relate. It seems as though the volume is turned up more so in a person who suffers from mental illness than say a person who does not. That's the way I comprehend it. <br /><br />I can now understand (thanks to the way you explained how your brain feels so fragmented the reel that goes on inside you each day as you set about doing those things some of us take for granted.<br /><br />I wish you good health each day friend. I wish I had your gift of writing. Have you considered writing a book? I'm serious. Maybe put together a draft/outline of what you would cover and maybe writing could be some sort of outlet for you.<br /><br />Maybe your suffering and writing about it would shed some understanding on the matter. I don't know... I see Oprah in your future. Sorry, I'm joking here but I appreciate your candor and honesty and I thank you for opening up to us all.<br /><br />Paulapaulawannacrackerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07401434790948821665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-40545859349492903052009-10-21T14:02:11.424-07:002009-10-21T14:02:11.424-07:00Hi Bearfriend,
As always, your thoughts are cohesi...Hi Bearfriend,<br />As always, your thoughts are cohesive, eloquently and concisely articulated. I think I understand a lot of what you've said here, and much of it makes great sense. Our sense of who we are and how we put ourselves forth to others is definitely impacted by how we feel on any given day. And how we feel has way too much to do with our appearance, rather our perception of our appearance. I have always had a fairly bad opinion of my looks - not necessarily weight, but my face. When I was 3, I asked my mom if I'd ever be pretty, and she told me no. (What 3 y/o would even ask such a question unless she'd been given the clear message that she wasn't pretty as is??) That information took hold; installed in my psyche and I have forever had a belief that I'm mostly unattractive, even ugly. As I've healed from some of the bullsh*t heaped on me by dear mom, I realize that I'm not ugly, but I still feel that way sometimes. And on days I feel ugly (or fat), I am much less outgoing and friendly because I'm ashamed of my looks. I almost feel it's wrong subjecting other people to having to look at me. Intellectually I see that others don't react differently to me on those days, but it's a visceral sense that I can't wish away. Invariably, the next day my hair will look decent, I wake up with a fresh outlook, and feel acceptable for others to view, better about myself, and much more outgoing. Sounds crazy, but it goes on in my essentially sane mind. <br /><br />I think that's part of what you're talking about...how your personality is a manifestation of your inner sense of self. And that changes from day to day. What I want to point out is that it changes day to day for most people, I think. Not just someone with mental illness. It's the perception and self-judgment that shift around, not the reality of the person or the personality. <br />Remember I said that sometimes maybe your judgment is impaired about your self appraisal, like mine is. This is exactly what I was talking about, and why I like what Green Stone Woman said about stopping focusing on food and weight and concentrating on the more pressing issues facing you...depression, agoraphobia and working on laying down some new pathways in the brain that circumvent the ones that tell you you have no personality. I pray for your "inner integration". You are an amazing woman, clearly, and a great friend! Hugs and my best to you!Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12401609334253676307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-64152982534426093622009-10-21T13:53:45.351-07:002009-10-21T13:53:45.351-07:00Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog - much a...Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog - much appreciated!<br /><br />Also, another person from the UK who knows what I'm talking about when I say 'courgette', 'aubergine' 'spring onions' and 'coriander'! ;o)<br /><br />I haven't had a chance to read your blog in its entirety, but I will have a good look tomorrow.<br /><br />I'm sorry you've been through so much - both with depression and eating disorders, although I'm sure they're intriniscally linked... I am SO grateful that I've never suffered from depression and my heart goes out to those who do... <br /><br />Will be back tomorrow...<br /><br />Patsy xPatsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16237128259799260713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-60952954796013045632009-10-21T13:48:12.256-07:002009-10-21T13:48:12.256-07:00Friend,
This was beautiful, haunting, and poetic ...Friend,<br /><br />This was beautiful, haunting, and poetic in a way that grips my heart. You have such an articulate way of phrasing things. I could have written this post. For me, it feels like I have a mask that I present to the outside world of how I've got everything together, and that I'm poised and confident and happy, and inside I am rotting from putrid anxiety and depression ... like housing a small animal in my stomach cavity which gnaws away at my very being from the inside-out. And I have come to realize that many times I turn to food to fill that gaping hole within myself, to make sense of things (or distract me from the pain of it). I feel for you.<br /><br />But know this: acknowledgement is key, because once there is acknowledgement, there can be change. I am trying to learn to embrace my fear and insecurities, trying to figure out the root of this evil so that I can be cured -- finally be cured -- and be done with the process, and begin living my life. I'm glad we can help each other out through this time.<br /><br />If I was there with you, I'd give ya a big ole hug ... and that's pretty big cuz I'm not a hugging person. :)<br /><br />You can do this. I have faith in you. We have faith in you. And your personality is sweet and strong ... I sense it even now. :)Jogging Auburnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07533173045947568210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-9754389488604330912009-10-21T12:07:20.173-07:002009-10-21T12:07:20.173-07:00My instinct would be to disconnect the overweight ...My instinct would be to disconnect the overweight issue from the mental issues, giving the overweight issues less weight (pardon the unintended pun). I am a bit overweight, but I'm not going to for one moment tie that to any inadequacies in my psyche that I may or may not have at the moment. It would make the overweight way too important and turn it into something that it's not, namely a big problem that I would have to deal with, because supposedly it is a symptom of something wrong in my psyche, and the more overweight a person is, the more messed up they must be, right? So, I'm slightly overweight, so I must be slightly screwed up and the overweight is a symptom of it and not a nice comfortable result of my nice comfortable love affair with food. I know I am slightly screwed up, but I don't let the state of my body determine how badly screwed up I am. I am only not severely not overweight now because of my gastric band. I'm still the same person I was before, I just feel better about my body and the physical health issues that go with it. My psychological health is obtained through much different methods and had never anything to do with my overweight or my love for food. I got it through the right medication and the right therapies and the right counseling and making some big life decisions. I think it would be best if you stopped focusing on food and your weight and focused on the real issues that concern you. Getting the right help consistently is very important.Irenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05043376053971475659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4646959081210247524.post-57640193278634060452009-10-21T10:38:58.565-07:002009-10-21T10:38:58.565-07:00It is amazing, how well we all hide our own insecu...It is amazing, how well we all hide our own insecurities from each other, isn't it? I hardly even realised it was happening until I read a novel a few years ago (I think it was a Marion Keyes - light stuff I know, but I can be shallow!) in which a character mentions that she 'compared my insides to everybody else's outsides' and therefore felt hideously inadequate and incompetent. Until then it never occurred to me that other people probably couldn't tell how low I was feeling, or that they might be feeling just as bad beneath the surface - or worse.<br />I guess I'm just repeating what you said, but in a less articulate way - but that is one of the gifts you have that you don't appreciate, the ability to put into words thoughts and feelings that I barely even know I have until I read your posts! <br />I do also agree that our perception of ourselves is hugely tied to our appearance and weight - but that doesn't mean you should feel like a failure only because controlling your weight is one facet of your health issues that you have a problem with focusing on right now. I know that hearing / reading that changes nothing for you, but its still true!<br />Have you given any more thought to continuing your studies into Counselling? It sounds like you have benefitted from your past studies as well as your own experiences, and I think that it could help you to carry on.Chrissiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13048579622077037452noreply@blogger.com